What person that ever lived was spared adversity? Whatever you call them – troubles, challenges, obstacles, pains, turmoil, suffering, problems, anguish, difficulties, impediments, trials, barriers, hurdles– they are integral parts of our lives. We cannot choose them; we can only deal with them. God never spares anyone. In fact, scripture says to expect them. Since obstacles are unavoidable in life, they have a purpose. They are necessary for growth. Lean into your troubles to understand them. By doing so, you can also minimize their burden.
But first know that you have a problem. Mark Twain is often quoted for saying, “I am an old man, and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.” One longstanding piece of wisdom I’ve shared with all my children is to not be premature in thinking we have or will have a problem. Do not worry about something until it is time to do so. Then take action.
In so many life instances, our perceived problems are not real, they are self-inflicted fears we have allowed to run away from our control. Fear, an impending thought that some evil is looming over us, can be a powerful burden. Fear is also always about the future, not the present. Therefore, mindfulness of the present is important. In my experience, most things we fear in the future never materialize, or they turn out not to be as bad as we think. Again, Mark Twain summarizes it nicely, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” Do not lean into your troubles until it is necessary to do so.
“Do not worry about something until it is time to do so. Then take action.”
Know that you need not lean into your troubles as a helpless victim. You have endured every trial in your life so far. Often it is a matter of perspective. Multitudes of others have endured your same trial, so your anguish is not unique. Why might you see a situation as particularly painful, but others do not? This is not to minimize your burdens, but to put them into perspective. There is a way through every trial. As higher-level beings, we can reason and make sense of our problems. We are endowed with unique qualities and virtues to see our way through.
Maybe you have been through times when some of these virtues, disguised as strength were required:
self-restraint gratitude humility
patience acceptance obedience
humor cooperation prudence
trust discernment tolerance
courage empathy endurance
By natural design, God does not allow us to face problems without the capabilities to work through them. But what about those times when we cannot summon these strengths, or our resources just do not seem enough?
It is true that life will present times that as Richard Rohr says, “we cannot fix, control, explain, change or even understand.” He says these situations are “necessary suffering” that are programmed into our life’s journey. It is at these times we are brought to our knees, and God “comes to you disguised as your life.” We should not deny our pain, but know something good will come of it, if we allow it. We grow in our valley experiences, not in our mountaintop ones. This is transformation. And if we do not transform our pains into something useful, we transmit it to others. This is what it means to lean into our troubles.
It can be encouraging to realize that our hardships are almost always limited in some way. There are limits to the size, the intensity and duration. They do not last forever, and if we can muster perseverance, even the most severe suffering can be endured. As our problems come and go through life, their fleeting nature provide the experiences we need to endure and provide wisdom for the next one. But what if we do have long term or permanent trials? We are provided the gift to adapt and recalibrate our experience. We can see our situation through a new lens, even accustom ourselves.
Seneca said that “No one could withstand adversity if its persistence we felt with all the same force as the first blow.” This mean means that when we are unprepared, when our problems spring up on us, our problems seem for more severe. The blow is softened the more we can expect and be prepared for them. If we must live with them, we get used to them. The more we live with them, we adjust to the presence in our lives. Things become more bearable when we are accustomed to them.
In summary, do not be burdened by the fear of potential problems that do not exist. When they arise, you are not a victim, you have God-given tools to make reason and deal with them as part of your nature. You will grow through adversity if you lean into your troubles. You have been successful in getting through every problem in your life so far, and there is not anyone ever who has not had your problem. Your problem is not unique. Your problems are limited in some way, be it size, intensity or duration. Anticipate, but do not dwell on possible problems. Your preparation will lessen their severity. Know that your troubles serve a purpose.