I have been watching my grandchildren lately and find wonder in how they seem to live genuinely happy lives. It has me wondering about happiness in general. What is it really and what is necessary to have it in my life? So for a few weeks now I’ve fine-tuned my happiness radar with respect to what I see and experience in this world.
So the one thing that I am certain is that money and things aren’t the source of happiness. I’ve had money problems and I’ve not had money problems. I’ve had equal doses of happiness and sadness under both conditions. Some of the poorest people in the world are joyful, and some of the richest people in the world are miserable.
We are bombarded each day and each hour by being told what we need to make our lives wonderful. When we buy that new house, splurge for that next gadget, make that next Amazon purchase, add another streaming service, buy those new shoes, or drive off the lot in that new car, we probably do feel pleasure. They are all externals, but they are fleeting. How long does it last? Pleasure is always temporary.
Eventually the new, interesting and fun becomes old, boring, stale, outdated and sometimes a vice. And it doesn’t usually take too long. Even with money, most people desire more. Don’t you? Sure, money and the things it can buy bring pleasure, but it eventually doesn’t satisfy us and we need more. How much more? Just more. Pleasure wears off. There’s always the next thing. We move on to the next want and desire. We ultimately can’t control these externals and they take us prisoner and rob us of our freedom, because our outside desires are never fully met.
You’ve heard it said that no one on their death bed regrets not having more. Death bed musings are always about people and relationships. That is because people and relationships are the essence of life and they bring fulfillment. Our station in life is not determined by the things we have, the power we can yield, or our celebrity, but the impact we have on others. Having purpose and impact on others and the world brings fulfillment.
Happiness comes from goodness, fulfillment and purpose. It comes from within. Fulfillment is about living for something greater than yourself. It is found in relationships, character, love, service, championing causes, and virtue. Fulfillment brings peace. And with peace comes happiness. Anything that undermines peace, undermines happiness. Low character and undeveloped virtue, separate us from others, and keep relationships from flourishing. This causes unrest and denies us happiness. Happiness is an outcome — a result. It always comes later. It comes after sowing. It is never immediate. It follows the law of the harvest. It takes time, intention and effort. Therefore, as a favorite mentor of mine Jim Rohn says, “Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design.”
True happiness originates inside of us, and not from the external world. What comes from within us is the only thing we truly control. If you allow your happiness to be dependent on external things — the approval of others, possessions, prestige, power, and even your health — you’ve released the control of your happiness to something outside of yourself. You’ve allowed the external world to make you a victim, and you are denied the ability to be your own master.
Now back to the grandchildren. They are happy because they haven’t yet been polluted by the concerns and weight of the outside world. They are at peace with living in the moment. As each year passes, they will have to work harder to create their own happiness.