Tag Archives: Adversity

Ten Practices to Inner Peace

Some years ago, I took the time to identify my personal core values.  I review them annually, but each year inner peace makes the list.  I thought it might be helpful to describe what having inner peace means to me, and how I go about preserving it. 

Inner peace for me is a psychological and spiritual freedom that allows me to feel contentment in a world always demanding my attention, and where adversity is ever present.  Feeling peace is important, because if something undermines my peace, it undermines my happiness.  To be content with myself and the world around me is to be truly free.  My peace is dependent entirely on my inner attitudes. 

Because I cannot control anything outside of myself, I try to make my peace not dependent on anything outside of myself.  My inner peace and freedom do not rely on my ability to silence the buzzing and whirling of the external world around me.  It is not dependent on getting all the things of my desire but appreciating all that I already have. By reducing the disturbances in my inner life, I can increase my inner freedom and peace of mind.  What practices are key to having an undisturbed day?

“The world can be at war while one is at peace, just as the world can be at peace while one is at war.”

— Epictetus

Keys I try to keep in mind…

  1. Control.  Awareness about what I ultimately do and do not control.  I can only be responsible and feel burden for those things I control.  Most things in my life I do not control. But I do control my thoughts, emotions, judgments, perspectives, opinions, fears and intentions.  If it is a worldly external that bothers me, I remember I do not own it and therefore not mine to be burdened.
  2. Providence.  The Creator is in control.  The universe is complex and amazingly sophisticated.  I only see evidence that the nature of the world is not random and mere chance.  Consequently, it is governed by providence and therefore there is meaning in everything. Everything is ordained by my creator and has purpose.  I try to accept and even embrace the “bad” with which I face.
  3. Gatekeeping.  I am my own gatekeeper for the things that enter my mind.  What goes into my mind turns to thoughts, then words, then actions, then habits, then character and finally my destiny.  Too much news and social media are destructive to my peace.  I need to also be careful about what and whom I spend my time with and allow into my life.
  4. Fear.  I work at detaching from my fears.  Fear is a controllable product of my opinion about it.  The possible unpleasant situations looming ahead are a product of my own catastrophizing and usually never end up bad as I think, if at all.  My self-inflicted gloom and doom only hold me back and makes me miserable.  Why worry about something before it is necessary?
  5. Gratitude.  Gratefulness helps me to detach from my desires.   When I appreciate what I already have, I am less concerned with what I still desire.  While I appreciate what I have, I am careful to not become too attached should I lose it. The less I desire, the more I find peace.
  6. Adversity.  I know that it has a purpose.  Every seemingly bad situation helps me to learn and grow.  Often, I can look back at the turmoil in my life and see a good that has emerged from it.  To suffer is not to spend time in vain.  The value I gain from adversity is always more than the emotional price I paid.
  7. Stillness.  Quiet time to still the mind and provide opportunity for reflection is a long habit of mine.  For me, this is general reading, prayer, devotions, and introspection.  By taking time to separate myself from the noisy world, I gain clarity and focus on the longer view of life.  It allows me to empty my mind of the daily chatter and consider the deeper significant things that lie below. 
  8. Margin.  I try not to push the limits.  My budget, my schedule, my gas tank, my sleep…. all thank me.  I know that having breathing room gives me peace of mind.  I am not stretched thin and drained of energy by the routine pressures I can burden myself with.  This is a practice I struggle with.
  9. Relationships.  I appreciate harmony in all my relationships and try to keep them good.  When one is out of whack, it causes me turmoil, and I try to mend it.  I moderate my expectations, so I am hard to disappoint or hurt.  When trouble shows it head, I ask myself “would I rather be right, or keep the peace?”  Especially true in marriage.
  10. Beauty in the moment.  There is beauty all around us all the time.  Only in the last couple of years have I come to appreciate watching the squirrels gathering food, kids laughing playing at the park, or the rain cleansing the air.  But if I look with intention, I will always find something. These momentary enjoyments brings me inner peace.

For me, having inner peace is a core ingredient to my happiness.  As ancient philosopher Epictetus said, “The world can be at war while one is at peace, just as the world can be at peace while one is at war.”  In a world that seems to always be at “war,” I prefer to be at peace.

Lean into Your Troubles

What person that ever lived was spared adversity?  Whatever you call them – troubles, challenges, obstacles, pains, turmoil, suffering, problems, anguish, difficulties, impediments, trials, barriers, hurdles– they are integral parts of our lives.  We cannot choose them; we can only deal with them.  God never spares anyone.  In fact, scripture says to expect them. Since obstacles are unavoidable in life, they have a purpose. They are necessary for growth.  Lean into your troubles to understand them.  By doing so, you can also minimize their burden.

But first know that you have a problem.  Mark Twain is often quoted for saying, “I am an old man, and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.”  One longstanding piece of wisdom I’ve shared with all my children is to not be premature in thinking we have or will have a problem. Do not worry about something until it is time to do so. Then take action.

In so many life instances, our perceived problems are not real, they are self-inflicted fears we have allowed to run away from our control.  Fear, an impending thought that some evil is looming over us, can be a powerful burden.  Fear is also always about the future, not the present. Therefore, mindfulness of the present is important.  In my experience, most things we fear in the future never materialize, or they turn out not to be as bad as we think.   Again, Mark Twain summarizes it nicely, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”  Do not lean into your troubles until it is necessary to do so.

“Do not worry about something until it is time to do so. Then take action.”

Know that you need not lean into your troubles as a helpless victim. You have endured every trial in your life so far.  Often it is a matter of perspective.  Multitudes of others have endured your same trial, so your anguish is not unique.  Why might you see a situation as particularly painful, but others do not?   This is not to minimize your burdens, but to put them into perspective.  There is a way through every trial.  As higher-level beings, we can reason and make sense of our problems.  We are endowed with unique qualities and virtues to see our way through. 

Maybe you have been through times when some of these virtues, disguised as strength were required:

self-restraint                    gratitude                             humility
patience                            acceptance                         obedience
humor                               cooperation                       prudence
trust                                   discernment                      tolerance
courage                             empathy                             endurance

By natural design, God does not allow us to face problems without the capabilities to work through them.  But what about those times when we cannot summon these strengths, or our resources just do not seem enough?  
It is true that life will present times that as Richard Rohr says, “we cannot fix, control, explain, change or even understand.”  He says these situations are “necessary suffering” that are programmed into our life’s journey.  It is at these times we are brought to our knees, and God “comes to you disguised as your life.”  We should not deny our pain, but know something good will come of it, if we allow it.  We grow in our valley experiences, not in our mountaintop ones.  This is transformation.  And if we do not transform our pains into something useful, we transmit it to others. This is what it means to lean into our troubles.

It can be encouraging to realize that our hardships are almost always limited in some way. There are limits to the size, the intensity and duration. They do not last forever, and if we can muster perseverance, even the most severe suffering can be endured. As our problems come and go through life, their fleeting nature provide the experiences we need to endure and provide wisdom for the next one.  But what if we do have long term or permanent trials?  We are provided the gift to adapt and recalibrate our experience.  We can see our situation through a new lens, even accustom ourselves.

Seneca said that “No one could withstand adversity if its persistence we felt with all the same force as the first blow.”  This mean means that when we are unprepared, when our problems spring up on us, our problems seem for more severe.  The blow is softened the more we can expect and be prepared for them.  If we must live with them, we get used to them.  The more we live with them, we adjust to the presence in our lives.   Things become more bearable when we are accustomed to them.

In summary, do not be burdened by the fear of potential problems that do not exist.  When they arise, you are not a victim, you have God-given tools to make reason and deal with them as part of your nature.  You will grow through adversity if you lean into your troubles.  You have been successful in getting through every problem in your life so far, and there is not anyone ever who has not had your problem.  Your problem is not unique.  Your problems are limited in some way, be it size, intensity or duration.  Anticipate, but do not dwell on possible problems.  Your preparation will lessen their severity. Know that your troubles serve a purpose.