Keys to Unlocking a Fantastic Marriage (PART 2)
(Note: This is the second part of a two part post on keys to a fantastic marriage.)
In my last post, I explained how fortunate I am to be in a fantastic marriage. My marriage and relationship with Cheri is the most wonderful aspect of my life. While not always perfect, we know our relationship flourishes when we work at it.
I described the first five keys that we’ve found to be essential:
- You have to actively work at it. Good marriages don’t just happen.
- Like storms, tough times don’t last forever. You must outlast them.
- Listen to truly understand. Share with mindfulness to build trust.
- Small gestures are visible signs of affection. They can be romantic.
- It can only come from within. Don’t burden your partner for bringing you happiness.
I will continue now, and explain the remaining five keys that help to make our marriage fantastic…
6. Take 100 percent responsibility for your share of the relationship. You are accountable for what you bring to your relationship, and what you deny your relationship. When the chips are down, Cheri and I usually conclude neither of us are fully in the clear or fully to blame. However, even if we believe we are only 10% of the problem, we take 100% responsibility for that 10%.
7. Give more than you take. Always seek what is best for your spouse. Giving without expectation of return is a conscious choice of offering our love. It is what God would have us do. It often means sacrifice, but more usually comes back as reward. Also, be ready to forgive, and ask for forgiveness. Both without question are necessary in a marriage. As Mark Twain said, “A marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
“A marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” — Mark Twain
8. Romance. When romance is expressed, so is passion! Your passion can be expressed through thoughtful acts of kindness (see #4). It can be especially meaningful when done creatively, or it has taken special effort. Romance seems to be so easy early in a relationship. As time goes by and it’s easier to take a relationship for granted, and keeping romance alive becomes more important. Cheri and I have found that the more we make romance intentional, the “younger” and fresher our love feels.
9. Among the most important qualities in our marriage is humor and fun! Humor is where some of our deepest connections reside. Through the sharing of our humor, we really connect and bond to each other. In my jokes, Cheri gets me like no other person. It’s a place where it’s okay to be both vulnerable and inappropriate. It’s where tension is relieved, beliefs are conveyed and wit is revealed. With common laughter comes bonding. Cheri and I laugh together and at ourselves often. I’m remembering the time on our honeymoon, realizing that we didn’t have anywhere near the money we needed for the week. On our first night, we laughed ourselves to tears for learning we’d have to live on a packed box of Cheese Nips and two rows of Ritz crackers! Henry Ward Beecher once remarked, “A marriage without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs – jolted by every pebble in the road.” Aside from the clinically proven benefits of laughter and humor, it just plain helps not to take ourselves too seriously. It makes a marriage better.
10. Marriage is a place for security and intimacy. For Cheri and me, our marriage is a place of trust. Like best friends, we know the other will always be there. It is a place where our deepest thoughts, desires, pains and joys can be shared with confidence. It’s a place where we know we are loved without condition. It’s a place where we hold each other accountable, inspire each other and give the benefit of the doubt. Sexual fidelity is never in question. Promises are kept. We speak about each other with the greatest of love and admiration.
Of course this list of principles is not exhaustive. Each marriage story is different and each couple connect with other ingredients that make theirs special. As well, each of these take on a unique significance as distinctive as the relationship itself.
My hope is that these posts have not just stated the obvious. Hopefully they have caused you to pause and evaluate what makes your relationship special, and what may be missing. In this pause, I hope your discovery will reveal the keys that are necessary to unlock a fantastic marriage.
Be Your Best!