Category Archives: Virtues

Lean into Your Troubles

What person that ever lived was spared adversity?  Whatever you call them – troubles, challenges, obstacles, pains, turmoil, suffering, problems, anguish, difficulties, impediments, trials, barriers, hurdles– they are integral parts of our lives.  We cannot choose them; we can only deal with them.  God never spares anyone.  In fact, scripture says to expect them. Since obstacles are unavoidable in life, they have a purpose. They are necessary for growth.  Lean into your troubles to understand them.  By doing so, you can also minimize their burden.

But first know that you have a problem.  Mark Twain is often quoted for saying, “I am an old man, and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.”  One longstanding piece of wisdom I’ve shared with all my children is to not be premature in thinking we have or will have a problem. Do not worry about something until it is time to do so. Then take action.

In so many life instances, our perceived problems are not real, they are self-inflicted fears we have allowed to run away from our control.  Fear, an impending thought that some evil is looming over us, can be a powerful burden.  Fear is also always about the future, not the present. Therefore, mindfulness of the present is important.  In my experience, most things we fear in the future never materialize, or they turn out not to be as bad as we think.   Again, Mark Twain summarizes it nicely, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”  Do not lean into your troubles until it is necessary to do so.

“Do not worry about something until it is time to do so. Then take action.”

Know that you need not lean into your troubles as a helpless victim. You have endured every trial in your life so far.  Often it is a matter of perspective.  Multitudes of others have endured your same trial, so your anguish is not unique.  Why might you see a situation as particularly painful, but others do not?   This is not to minimize your burdens, but to put them into perspective.  There is a way through every trial.  As higher-level beings, we can reason and make sense of our problems.  We are endowed with unique qualities and virtues to see our way through. 

Maybe you have been through times when some of these virtues, disguised as strength were required:

self-restraint                    gratitude                             humility
patience                            acceptance                         obedience
humor                               cooperation                       prudence
trust                                   discernment                      tolerance
courage                             empathy                             endurance

By natural design, God does not allow us to face problems without the capabilities to work through them.  But what about those times when we cannot summon these strengths, or our resources just do not seem enough?  
It is true that life will present times that as Richard Rohr says, “we cannot fix, control, explain, change or even understand.”  He says these situations are “necessary suffering” that are programmed into our life’s journey.  It is at these times we are brought to our knees, and God “comes to you disguised as your life.”  We should not deny our pain, but know something good will come of it, if we allow it.  We grow in our valley experiences, not in our mountaintop ones.  This is transformation.  And if we do not transform our pains into something useful, we transmit it to others. This is what it means to lean into our troubles.

It can be encouraging to realize that our hardships are almost always limited in some way. There are limits to the size, the intensity and duration. They do not last forever, and if we can muster perseverance, even the most severe suffering can be endured. As our problems come and go through life, their fleeting nature provide the experiences we need to endure and provide wisdom for the next one.  But what if we do have long term or permanent trials?  We are provided the gift to adapt and recalibrate our experience.  We can see our situation through a new lens, even accustom ourselves.

Seneca said that “No one could withstand adversity if its persistence we felt with all the same force as the first blow.”  This mean means that when we are unprepared, when our problems spring up on us, our problems seem for more severe.  The blow is softened the more we can expect and be prepared for them.  If we must live with them, we get used to them.  The more we live with them, we adjust to the presence in our lives.   Things become more bearable when we are accustomed to them.

In summary, do not be burdened by the fear of potential problems that do not exist.  When they arise, you are not a victim, you have God-given tools to make reason and deal with them as part of your nature.  You will grow through adversity if you lean into your troubles.  You have been successful in getting through every problem in your life so far, and there is not anyone ever who has not had your problem.  Your problem is not unique.  Your problems are limited in some way, be it size, intensity or duration.  Anticipate, but do not dwell on possible problems.  Your preparation will lessen their severity. Know that your troubles serve a purpose.

Life Planning: How a Life Plan Can Help You Avoid the Drift

Life Planning:
How A Life Plan Can Help You Avoid the Drift

What does a life Plan do?
About a year ago, Daniel Harkavy and Michael Hyatt published a book titled Living Forward. I read it and recommend it highly. In Living Forward, they describe the importance of having a written life plan. At first glance, this idea may seem a bit over-the-top and lofty, but after going through the process of creating one last year, it has helped me in several ways.

Above all, it helps me to be intentional about how I live my life. I want to look back on my life 5, 10 or 20 years from now and see that I have lived a worthy life of significance. Simply, my life plan clarifies on paper what is most important to me, charts a course for action in getting to where I want to be in life, and serves as a regular reminder when I review it. It keeps me from drifting through each day, week and month without purpose. My life plan reminds me to live a life of intention, designing it for my purposes and desires. During my run-of-the-mill day, I can bounce my decisions, time and tasks against the intentions in my life plan. This provides clarity in purpose and has been a tie-breaker when assigning priorities. I hope that it keeps me from any regrets.

What is Drift?
I emphasize being proactive and acting on life, rather than the alternative which is to drift through life. Drift is an insidious, unintentional and silent villain which robs us of becoming all that we can. The drift never takes us to a place that we intend. It is a slow pull that we often don’t even realize. When lives crumble, they don’t happen in a day. They fall apart over time because of inattention to the important. That can be the effect of drift.

Think of it like a boat Captain adrift with no sail, map or rudder. She is not only unaware of her position, but also subject to the weather and the currents, with no way of making corrections. A life plan provides the figurative sail, map and rudder. While still subject to the weather, winds and currents, it allows the boat Captain to stay in control and make it to her intended destination.

Avoiding the drift is important because according to the authors, its consequences cause:

* Confusion — No clear direction or perspective. Our lives are not guided with purpose and meaning. We just go from one thing to the next, seemingly   unconnected.

* Expense — Causes us to waste time, money, and health among others.

* Lost Opportunities — We lose the ability see opportunities and to go down paths that would enrich our lives. We don’t see them because we are distracted in the here and now.

* Pain — Lack of planning and action in the areas most important to us, can lead us to painful troubles. This can occur in our marriage, health, finances, profession, family and other areas of our lives.

* Regret — No one wants to look back and wish things had been different. “If only I……….(you fill in the blank.) It becomes even more frustrating when we realize it is a result of our lack of planning and attention to how we want to live our lives.

What’s in a Life Plan?
So what is in a life plan? Harkavy and Hyatt suggest specific contents be included. I’ve used their model and customized it to reflect what I think is important. Your Life Plan should inspire you and sit well with you. When you review your Life Plan, it should capture your dreams, goals, beliefs, and values. Here’s an outline of what I’ve included in mine:

  • A mission statement – a short statement about what I believe my life is about
  • My envisioned eulogy – admittedly macabre, but necessary to envision the end game and provide context
  • My most important areas of life – physical, spiritual, mental, financial, relational, professional, etc.
  • What constitutes for me a successful day, and life? How do I measure if I’m on track?
  • An action plan for each important area of my life – it includes a purpose, envisioned future, my WHY, the benefits, where I am now, specific commitments to get me there, and obstacles and pitfalls to be mindful

If you know what you want in life and have a plan to get there, then you are leaps and bounds closer to “succcess.” Harkavy and Hyatt remind us that most people spend more time and attention planning vacations, weddings and car purchases than they do their own lives. I found the introspective process of building a Life Plan is as valuable as the end product itself. It need not be a long document, and does not need to be perfect, because it will change. It is not hard to do, but requires that you set aside time to do it. It will never be complete, but will always be under revision and adjustment as life progresses.

“My definition of success has two parts. The first is when my intentions, words and actions align–integrity. The second is when they are progressively moving me toward my goals and how I want to live my life.”

My definition of success has two parts. The first is when my intentions, words and actions align–integrity. The second is when they are progressively moving me toward my goals and how I want to live my life. My life plan plan helps me to live my definition of a successful life. How do you define success? How do you know if you are on track? If you want to dive deeper into life planning and how to create one, check out https://livingforwardbook.com.

Be Your Best!


Of Course Character Matters

The Issue…

Whenever election time rolls around, the age-old debate about the importance that character plays in the presidency comes front and center. Does character matter in the president, or do we just need someone who can get the job of governing done?  My answer is that our form of government requires good character, and the responsibilities of the person occupying the Oval Office are so vital, that they demand it.

What our founders thought…

When our nation’s founders embarked upon the great “American Experiment” they understood its delicate nature. How could citizens rule themselves, and provide for the collective interest of the people, despite an acknowledged pre-disposition of self-interest inherent in the human condition?  Part of the answer was to build a form of government with separate branches that provide balance of powers.  The other part requires a belief that despite the flaws in humanity, man’s virtues are equally powerful—and they would be essential.

The founder’s wrote in the Federalist Papers, that the government under consideration would not work, unless its leaders and citizens were a virtuous people. They understood that the difference between a Republic (representative self-government) and a Monarchy (authoritarian rule) was that the leaders of a Republic were servants of the people.  Those leaders were to be bound by a noble conscience, rather than their self-interest.

What is character anyway?

What exactly is character? Character is the sum quality of who a person really is—the combined total of their moral and civic virtues—good or bad.  One’s character is the result of life choices and the conduct of living.  Charles Stanley, an Atlanta pastor, says that character development is ultimately what God is trying to do in our lives.  God is all about character development, not personality change.

In my view, good character is the most significant ingredient to effective leadership. It can be seen on the outside in one’s public image, but it is developed on the inside.  But as we know, what you see is not always what you get.  It is forged through intentional pursuit and fortified through adversity and perseverance.  Everyone has heard the saying “Character reveals itself when no one is looking.”  I would also say that character reveals itself when everyone is looking.

High character is a reflection of the civic and moral virtues that appeal to our highest spirit. It is so important, that the need for great character in our society is reflected in the honor codes and oaths adopted by the military, universities and other great institutions.

The role of character in the presidency…

Civic and moral virtues are the qualities of being that inspire confidence and trust, vital components of every relationship- including that between leaders and followers. It’s necessary for the President to have the confidence and trust of the people to be effective.  Don’t you think this is especially true for the United States where the President is not only the Chief Executive, Head of State and Commander-in-Chief, but also the symbolic leader and conscience of the nation?

A democracy‘s role is to represent the interest of the majority, but not violate the rights of the minority. When the President fashions his or her vision through public policy, this is where character matters.  It’s easy to stand on the side of the majority because it is easier to drift with the currents of popular opinion—even when the rights of the minority are infringed.  It takes character to stand and make an argument for the rights of the minority.  The President must be careful not to interpret the merits of public policy through the lens of his or her self-interest.  Public policy must be viewed with the obligation to represent the majority and protect the rights of the minority, even if contrary to one’s own interest. And this requires character.

As long as a President is demonstrated to be a person of high character, moral authority is at his or her side, and with it comes the fortune of respect, trust and confidence of the people. Our country demands and deserves nothing less.

Be Your Best!

 

BennetHeadshot

“It is our character that supports the promise of our future – far more than particular government programs or policies.”
— William Bennett, Former Secretary of Education

 


How to Make This a Better World

When I was much younger and before I went out on my own, the world seemed boundless, as did my opportunities. I wanted to do great things in big ways — to make a better world. I didn’t know what those achievements would be, but I knew my purpose was to impact the world in a wonderful and big way. I would do God’s will for my life and it wouldn’t be anything puny. Start a charitable foundation. Establish a homeless shelter. Lead a movement. Something along those lines. I never was in a position to make any of those big things possible. I eventually realized that my expectations were beyond the limits of God’s will for me.

This became evident when I was stationed as a commander at a military assignment in the northwest. I led an organization where I really wanted to do a killer job. I went into the job like most young officers — with an ambitious agenda and great aspirations on how I could make the organization the best of the best, with a tremendous reputation. Instead, I found myself constantly reacting to the turmoil of each day, putting out “fires”, and just keeping my head above water. What I did accomplish however, was to cultivate many relationships.  I mentored those my junior and impact the lives of those I lead by my daily example, our one-on-one discussions, and practicing my values. And I know I did have an impact because they told me so.

Through this experience, I grew to understand that most of the good in this world is accomplished when each person is able to make a unique and individual positive impact on another. A kind and selfless act that usually costs us nothing and make’s someone else’s day better, makes this a better world. It also makes us feel better and its contagious. It makes us feel better because it is giving at its purest, without expecting anything in return. It’s contagious, because it causes the recipient to appreciate it, then live up to the gesture. You can be a ray of sunshine in someone’s otherwise dreary day. Consider how a sincere gesture can touch someone’s day:

•The casual compliment to your work colleague on always having such a great attitude
•A word of encouragement to the store clerk just rudely treated by the previous customer
•Letting the guy change lanes in front of you
•Making the young mother on the plane feel at ease when her baby is crying
•Offering to stand on public transportation, so someone else can sit
•and what about the whole Starbucks Pay-It-Forward phenomena?

Do you remember a couple of years ago when during the Christmas holidays, Starbucks customers were paying the tab for the person behind them, to the tune of over a 1000 customer streak? That sensation was repeated across the nation not only because it was unusual, but because it was a feel-good and inspiring story that captured the spirit of the season.  People like the feeling that selflessness brings.

And what better icon of selflessness than Mother Teresa? Mother Teresa made a better world not because she ran a facility for the homeless, sick and indigent, but because of her caring touch and love she offered each individual.

mother_theresa_with_armless_baby

“Do not wait for leaders.  Do it alone, person to person.  If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”
— Mother Teresa

My challenge for you is to find an opportunity in each day to make someone else’s day just a bit better.  I will too.  It will make a better world, and I’m certain it will make our days even better too.

Be Your Best!