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Finding Happiness

I have been watching my grandchildren lately and find wonder in how they seem to live genuinely happy lives.  It has me wondering about happiness in general.  What is it really and what is necessary to have it in my life?  So for a few weeks now I’ve fine-tuned my happiness radar with respect to what I see and experience in this world.

So the one thing that I am certain is that money and things aren’t the source of happiness.  I’ve had money problems and I’ve not had money problems.  I’ve had equal doses of happiness and sadness under both conditions.  Some of the poorest people in the world are joyful, and some of the richest people in the world are miserable.

We are bombarded each day and each hour by being told what we need to make our lives wonderful.  When we buy that new house, splurge for that next gadget, make that next Amazon purchase, add another streaming service, buy those new shoes, or drive off the lot in that new car, we probably do feel pleasure.  They are all externals, but they are fleeting. How long does it last?  Pleasure is always temporary.

Eventually the new, interesting and fun becomes old, boring, stale, outdated and sometimes a vice.  And it doesn’t usually take too long.  Even with money, most people desire more.  Don’t you? Sure, money and the things it can buy bring pleasure, but it eventually doesn’t satisfy us and we need more. How much more?  Just more.  Pleasure wears off. There’s always the next thing.  We move on to the next want and desire.  We ultimately can’t control these externals and they take us prisoner and rob us of our freedom, because our outside desires are never fully met.

You’ve heard it said that no one on their death bed regrets not having more. Death bed musings are always about people and relationships.  That is because people and relationships are the essence of life and they bring fulfillment. Our station in life is not determined by the things we have, the power we can yield, or our celebrity, but the impact we have on others.  Having purpose and impact on others and the world brings fulfillment.

Happiness comes from goodness, fulfillment and purpose.  It comes from within.  Fulfillment is about living for something greater than yourself.  It is found in relationships, character, love, service, championing causes, and virtue.  Fulfillment brings peace.  And with peace comes happiness.  Anything that undermines peace, undermines happiness.  Low character and undeveloped virtue, separate us from others, and keep relationships from flourishing.  This causes unrest and denies us happiness.  Happiness is an outcome — a result.  It always comes later.  It comes after sowing.  It is never immediate.  It follows the law of the harvest.  It takes time, intention and effort.  Therefore, as a favorite mentor of mine Jim Rohn says, “Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design.”

True happiness originates inside of us, and not from the external world. What comes from within us is the only thing we truly control.  If you allow your happiness to be dependent on external things — the approval of others, possessions, prestige, power, and even your health — you’ve released the control of your happiness to something outside of yourself.  You’ve allowed the external world to make you a victim, and you are denied the ability to be your own master.

Now back to the grandchildren. They are happy because they haven’t yet been polluted by the concerns and weight of the outside world. They are at peace with living in the moment. As each year passes, they will have to work harder to create their own happiness.

The Credibility and Consequences of Freedom of Speech

The Credibility and Consequences of Freedom of Speech

Now that the NFL “taking a knee” hubbub is mostly out of the limelight and there are the usual other non-issues that continue to consume the media, I will share my thoughts as they have percolated over the ensuing months.

There are several things here that can be dissected, but I will take on the issue of free speech and the principle of its wise exercise.

In governments such as ours, where power is supposed to be seated with the citizens, freedom of speech empowers the people over the government.  The freedom of speech (or any freedom, for that matter) is threatening to those who hold power, and most threatening to those who have it by a thread. This requires that it be exercised with responsibility, otherwise its limitation may be imposed. It can also be threatened by radical vocal opposition.  But everyone I know, agrees it is appropriate that speech not be protected in every circumstance.  Free speech should be challenged however, when unwisely used and certainly limited when recklessly exercised.  No reasonable person in our nation will try to throttle the exercise of free speech when wisely exercised.

While each American may have opinions about issues of significance, it is those individuals with the most influence that are heard.  That influence may come from celebrity, professional accomplishment, humanitarian causes, scholarship, critical thinking, or any other manners of success and achievement. The credibility of one’s message, is also greatly influenced by the content of their character. I applaud those who use the success of their lives as a springboard for influence over causes of significance.

Whether or not it is wisely exercised, has more to do with the platform, the manner and the timing of what is said.

“Free speech doesn’t solve political conflicts. It creates them. Solving them requires more advanced tools like trust, humility, dialogue, listening.”
― Steve Kolowich

“It’s freedom of speech, not freedom from consequences and/or ridicule.”
― A.E. Samaan

Colin Kaepernick was exercising his right to reinforce a message that is a noble and fundamental ideal of our American heritage — the equal treatment of all individuals.   His message was triggered by the unfair and despicable treatment of some African-Americans by some law enforcement.  Racism is inherent to the flawed human condition.  It will always be a part of society because we are flawed and imperfect as humans, but we should always strive for its elimination.  That is what defines an ideal – something always to be pursued, but never attainable.

Unfortunately, Kaepernick made a serious miscalculation. By kneeling for the worthy cause of equality for African-Americans, he sent a larger and seemingly nastier message that was understood as disdain for America. A firestorm of vehement protest ensued because it was seen as an attack on the ideals of America, those who support and believe in those ideals, and those who have fought and died for those ideals.  It was perceived as a slap in the face to those who love and support this country, who nonetheless see it flawed, but want to make it all that it can be.  His message and intent was good, but he used the wrong platform (an NFL football game), in the wrong manner (kneeling) at the wrong time (during the National Anthem).   It was not illegal, it was perceived as inappropriate, and it degraded the credibility of his message.  In the same way, President Trump’s stature and office is degraded by the numerous inappropriate ways he communicates via platform, manner and timing.

To add insult to injury, a successive wave of NFL players also took a knee during subsequent National Anthem protests of President Donald Trump after he recklessly called for their firings when exercising their use of that tactic in demonstrating their right to free speech.  Unfortunately, Colin Kaepernick’s message became politicized and lost its original significance.

“We ain’t what we oughta be. We ain’t what we want to be. We ain’t what we gonna be. But, thank God, we ain’t what we was.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Again, I applaud those that use their influence to further the causes they believe.  But it must applied with good measure and using an appropriate platform, in the appropriate manner and timing.  In the same way, I personally can’t stand watching Hollywood elites using award shows to espouse their social and political opinions ad nauseum.  These are occasions to celebrate their art and craft. I don’t believe Colin Kaepernick’s use of the NFL game and National Anthem was his platform to use.   I don’t believe awards shows are the platform for celebrities to use either.  America is inappropriately held as intellectual hostages when influencers use a platform that they do not own — they do it at our expense.

If an influencer wants to write a book, give a speech, submit op-Ed’s, produce videos, pen magazine articles, post blogs, donate money to causes and give interviews that get out their message, I would encourage and do support them to do so.  Those are some of the platforms to use.  We should use our influence to further our life’s work.

The right to free speech is sacred, but it must be exercised with care and responsibility. It should only be legally restricted when it will do clear and present danger to others such as yelling “fire” in a crowded theater.  When the American flag is trampled and burned, I become sick, but it should not be illegal to do so.

We are free to choose, but not free from the consequences of our choices.

An unwise choice of platform, manner and timing will dull the message and give it less credibility.

“Don’t exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.” 
― Tim Fargo

 “Freedom of speech means setting words free. Imprisoned and freed words are consequential. All words have consequences.” 
― John R. Dallas Jr.